It’s an odd situation for me when we see Juniper’s extended family for a visit. We had plans to see her family for Memorial Day, and her parents invited us all over to their house for a barbecue. Juniper’s brother and sister and family were there. It was a beautiful day, the weather was perfect, the kids all played in the pool together.

Juniper’s still in the broom closet with her family – no one but her brother knows that she’s Wiccan. They’re an interesting, intellectual, raucous, fun family, but I made an interesting observation today. They (apart from Juniper and her brother) are very sheltered, very wrapped up and comfortable in the things they know and feel are safe. They don’t seem to be open to things beyond their ken, and outside the realm of their opinions.

This helps me to understand why Juniper feels that she needs to stay in the broom closet. If her family will judge her so readily, why wouldn’t the community, and what would the ramifications be? I grew up in a very different family, where we were encouraged to be “different”. This made life difficult as a child, but has served me in the long run. Matt and Juniper’s are the first two mainstream families I’ve seen in an intimate light. Their dynamics are so different from what my family was.

This is the general dynamic of the suburbanite, is it not? And here we are, in the midst of it. How do we raise our children to work within the system, yet live outside of it?

I feel that Matt and I grew up on opposite sides of the social scale. My parents are artsy, radical, liberal, atheist and nonconformist. When they fight, they yell. Matt’s family is mainstream, conservative, Catholic and all about conformity. When they fight, they get *really* quiet.

My parents have been very supportive of my religion of choice. Because I really didn’t have one growing up, I was in a position to choose my own, or choose none at all. I grew into Wicca, as it helped me to define the spirituality I grew into. Matt’s family has been supportive of his choices as well, his father even said that he was grateful that our children would have something to believe in rather than nothing at all. Although they seemed upset that Matt wouldn’t choose to follow the path he was taught (he was an altar boy), they opened their minds and their hearts, and we’ve felt very little judgement from them. For that, I will be forever grateful.

Because balance is one of the most important goals in my life, I’ve been aiming for dead center (okay, a little left of center) in our family. Not boring, not mundane, not average, but centered. I’ve often told Matt that I would love to take the best out of his Mom and the best out of mine, and be that as a mother. I want to teach our family that things can be different without being frightening or threatening. I want our children not to be so fast to judge, but to educate themselves on issues before forming an opinion. I want our children to be open-minded. I also want our children not to be outcasts, because they’re different.

It’s a fine line. We’re learning to walk it one day at a time.