When I was a teenager, my mother told me that all a marriage needed to survive was two people who wanted to make it work more than they wanted anything else.  This has held true for me, and has become one of the pillars of my marriage to Matt.

I’ve been thinking about Matt, and my life, and that he’s stayed with me through 15 years of mistreated anxiety and depression, untreated PTSD, a gastric bypass, and a year in bed due to undiagnosed iron deficient anemia. He stayed with me thinking that he might have to take care of two young children and a bedridden wife. He stayed with me through flashbacks when he’d try to touch me and I’ll jerk away.  Although I’m finally on the right meds now, and I’m treating the anemia with iron infusions, I’ve always wondered why he would stay. I met him at a time in my life when I was newly sober, struggling with so many issues, and I felt as though I was broken. Matt has taught me, through these almost 17 years of companionship, that I am not broken – although he and I agree that I am bent:) Without him by my side, I tell you without reservation that I wouldn’t have made it to my 30th birthday.

Although I pride myself on watching deep, philosophical and intellectual films:), there’s a movie called ‘Rockstar with Mark Wahlberg and Jennifer Aniston’ that really caught me in the last few minutes, and it has a song that makes me cry every time I watch it. It’s called “Colorful’ by a band called The Verve Pipe. I wanted to share it with you, and I’m including the lyrics below the video, even though they’re easy to make out in the clip. There are better quality copies of the complete song that are easy to find with a simple search (and of course you can download it on itunes). I like this one, because it’s taken from the movie.

The show is over close the story book
There will be no encore
And all the random hands that I have shook
Well they’re reaching for the door
I watch their backs as they leave single file
But you stood stubborn, cheering all the while

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser’s living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Most were being good for goodness sake
But you wouldn’t pantomime
You are more beautiful when you awake
Than most are in a lifetime
Through the haze that is my memory well
You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser’s living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Look ahead as far as you can see
We’ll live in drama but we’ll die in a comedy
I know I can be colorful…

Thank you, Matt, for loving me either way.