<<<TMI WARNING, AND IF YOU KNOW ME, THAT’S GOT TO BE SERIOUS>>>

I am so flabbergasted by our health care system.

I had a gastric bypass back in 2003. I am 4′11″, and went from 215 lbs to 132 lbs in a short period of time. I then started taking Ambien and ate bags of Dove candy bars in my sleep (sleep eating is a common thing with Ambien), and jumped up to 160. I’ve mostly cut out the sugar, although since starting the anti-anxiety meds I’m craving carbs, but my weight has maintained at around 150.

I look pretty decent in clothes, but I feel like a Shar-Pei without clothes. Matt loves me, but it grosses me out when he touches my belly, especially. I have what’s called an ‘apron’. It’s gross. My abdomen has pulled away from the muscle wall. I haven’t seen my vagina in years.

So I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for the last 7 months to try to ease the pain I’ve got in my back. My shoulders slump forward because my breasts are big and pull down my shoulders, and my belly pulls the small of my back forward. These things cannot be fixed by exercise. Living with these pains would be just uncomfortable, but I have Osteopenia, which is the first step to Osteoporosis.  I might eventually have cracks in my spine because of the added pressure of the weight.

I took Matt and Juniper with me for moral support to see a plastic surgeon today. It was a lovely experience, because he had to take pictures of me naked. I was expecting it, but was still horrified. I was told that with the letters I have from my GP and my chiropractor, my health insurance would most likely cover a panniculectomy (cutting off the extra fat and sewing you back up), but not abdominoplasty (repairing the damage to the muscle tissue underneath). Trouble is, the muscles on my abdominal wall have pulled apart, and an abdominoplasty would be the best thing for me, but insurance considers it cosmetic surgery.

I’m also possibly eligible for breast reduction and lift, but the surgeon wants to handle these issues one at a time (not one breast at a time, but the tummy separate from the breasts:)). The scary part about that is there are guidelines for a minimum amount of breast tissue to be removed in order to be eligible for this surgery. Let me ask you…does 500g of breast tissue on a person under 5′ appear the same way as 500g of breast tissue on a woman who is 6′??? I’m a DD now. If you take 500g (just over a pound) out of each breast, I’ll be an A cup, maybe a B, which would completely change my body shape. I’d be ok with being a B, although I’d like to be a C, but it would be nice if they took the size and shape of people into account instead of just throwing down random numbers and saying “these are the requirements you must meet, and if you don’t meet them, we won’t help you.”

I feel like a number, a statistic. A numbered, statistical Shar-Pei.